Thanks so much to Amy Lied for submitting this post from her own blog to feature on our site! From Amy:
I feel like a lot of people can related to this post after loss. There is no reason we lost our children. It just happened to us. Nothing will ever be a satisfactory explanation for why we have to live without a piece of ourselves. <3
This is something you hear a lot when you are a part of the pregnancy and infant loss community. It’s something said by others (or even ourselves) to help offer some comfort for the loss you experienced. I am guilty of this myself. When I had my miscarriage last year, I justified it to myself by saying it happened for a reason. After my miscarriage and subsequent D&C, I got pregnant the following cycle with Asher naturally. I justified that I lost that first pregnancy from fertility treatments to make it possible to get pregnant with Asher naturally. It happens for a lot of woman who suffer a miscarriage. They have a miscarriage and then get pregnant again the following month. My doctor even told me the morning of my D&C that it happened for her and countless other patients. So when it happened for me, I figured I had lost that pregnancy in order to make it easier for myself to get pregnant naturally. In my mind, it made my miscarriage acceptable. It brought me to Asher.
So, what was the reason for us to lose Asher? There isn’t one. Literally… there isn’t even a medical reason as to why his heart stopped beating. All we have is that “sometimes these things just happen”. There will NEVER be any reason that justifies the death of my son. Never, not ever. Nothing will ever be acceptable. There will never be an explanation that provides a reason for why someone has to live without their child.
If I have learned anything over the last two years of our struggle with infertility and the loss of Asher, it is that everything DOES NOT happen for a reason.